Sunday Newsletter - When Flexibility Becomes Self-sabotage (And How to Spot It)

Sunday, July 20th - 5-minute read

Hello and Happy Sunday!

Welcome to this week's Sunday Newsletter—a moment to grab a warm cup (mine's a proper Earl Grey Tea today, one of my favourites) of something and review and reconnect with what's important in your life and business.

This morning, whilst sorting through old files, I came across a journal entry from six years ago. I'd written: "Being flexible about the car situation—we'll make do without one until things improve."

Three years later, we were still in that "temporary" arrangement. Still "making do." Still calling it flexibility.

That's when it hit me: there's a razor-thin line between healthy adaptation and complete self-abandonment. And most of us have crossed it without even noticing.

Today, let's explore the uncomfortable truth about when flexibility becomes the very thing keeping you stuck.

Grab that cuppa and make yourself comfortable and let's 'explore'...

The Flexibility Façade

Here's what I've observed working with coaches and transformational practitioners: we've become dangerously good at disguising settling as spiritual growth.

"I'm being flexible about my pricing until the market improves."

"I'm adapting to this client's demanding schedule—it shows I'm accommodating."

"I'm going with the flow about this living situation—attachment causes suffering, right?"

Hogwash!

Sometimes what we call flexibility is actually a sophisticated form of self-sabotage. We use spiritual language to justify staying small, and we mistake tolerance for wisdom.

Your soul didn't incarnate to "make do."

The Three-Year Test

Want to know if you're being genuinely flexible or dangerously tolerant?

Ask yourself this:

"If this situation remained exactly the same for three more years, would I be at peace with that?"

If the answer makes your stomach clench, you're not being flexible. You're being complicit in your own limitation.

True flexibility is temporary adaptation whilst moving towards your vision. False flexibility is permanent acceptance disguised as enlightenment.

The Energy Never Lies

Here's something your clients won't tell you directly, but their energy will: they can sense when you're "making do" in your own life.

If you're tolerating a business model that drains you, a workspace that depresses you, or a lifestyle that doesn't reflect your worth, that energy permeates everything you do.

You cannot guide someone to their highest potential whilst you're accepting less than yours.

The practitioner who charges £50 because "money isn't everything" will struggle to help clients value themselves.

The coach who stays in a toxic living situation "to keep the peace" cannot effectively support someone leaving an unhealthy relationship.

Your tolerance levels teach others how to treat you—and themselves.

The Settling Spectrum

Most of us don't wake up and suddenly decide to settle. It happens gradually, through a series of "just for now" decisions:

Stage 1: Temporary Adjustment "We'll budget tightly just until I get back on my feet."

Stage 2: Extended Tolerance "It's been six months, but things are improving slowly."

Stage 3: Justified Acceptance "Actually, living simply has taught me so much about what really matters."

Stage 4: Identity Shift "I'm not someone who needs much. I'm grateful for what I have."

See how cleverly we transform settling into a virtue?

The Gratitude Trap

And here's where it gets particularly insidious for conscious practitioners: we layer gratitude on top of our settling to make it bulletproof.

"I should be grateful for this tiny flat—there are people with nothing." "I'm so blessed to have any clients at all—who am I to want more?" "Gratitude is everything—wanting more just shows I'm not evolved enough."

Don't get me wrong. Gratitude is transformational. But when we use it to guilt ourselves out of growth, it becomes another sophisticated form of spiritual bypassing.

True gratitude says: "I'm thankful for where I am AND I'm excited about where I'm going."

False gratitude says: "I should be content with this, so wanting more makes me ungrateful."

The difference? One expands you. The other contracts you into shame.

You can be deeply grateful for your current circumstances whilst simultaneously knowing you're meant for more. These aren't contradictory states—they're complementary ones.

Your desires aren't evidence of ingratitude. They're evidence of your soul's expansion calling you forward.

The Practitioner's Dilemma

As transformational practitioners, we face a unique challenge. We've studied non-attachment, acceptance, and going with the flow. These are powerful spiritual principles.

But there's a difference between accepting what is whilst working towards what could be, and accepting what is instead of working towards what could be.

One is wisdom. The other is resignation wearing a spiritual mask.

The Reality Alignment Check

This week, I want you to examine one area where you might be over-tolerating. Use these questions:

1. The Timeline Question: How long have you been telling yourself this is temporary?

2. The Energy Question: When you think about this situation continuing indefinitely, what happens in your body?

3. The Vision Question: Does this situation align with who you're becoming, or who you used to be?

4. The Teaching Question: What are you inadvertently teaching your clients about what's acceptable?

5. The Truth Question: If your best friend was in this exact situation, what would you honestly advise them?

The Courage to Stop Adapting

Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is stop being so bloody accommodating.

Sometimes growth requires you to stop being flexible about things that matter deeply to you. Sometimes wisdom means saying, "Actually, no. This isn't working, and I'm not going to keep pretending it is."

Your future self isn't waiting for you to become more tolerant of less. They're waiting for you to become less tolerant of anything that isn't aligned with your truth.

This Week's Transformation Exercise

Choose one area where you've been "flexible" for longer than feels authentic:

Step 1: Write down exactly how you've been justifying this situation to yourself.

Step 2: Rewrite that same situation without the spiritual bypassing. What's actually happening?

Step 3: Ask yourself: "What would change if I stopped being so accommodating about this?"

Step 4: Take one small action this week that honours your actual desires rather than your adaptive personality.

Step 5: Notice any guilt that arises. That's your conditioning trying to pull you back into "being good" instead of being real.

The Weekly Challenge

This week, I challenge you to:

Monday: Identify one area where your "flexibility" has become stagnation.
Tuesday: Feel the difference between peaceful acceptance and resigned tolerance.
Wednesday: Have one conversation where you stop over-accommodating.
Thursday: Make one decision based on your vision, not your circumstances.
Friday: Notice how differently you show up when you stop making do.

Remember: there's nothing spiritual about accepting less than what your soul knows is possible.

Choosing Happy Podcast Update

 Last weeks episode was 'The Shame Game' and challenged you to examine what your fear and procrastination could really be about.

I am shaking up the podcast with 3 episodes per week starting tomorrow (It's my 100 day experiment).
Here's how it's going to look.

Monday - Myth Busting
Wednesday - Real Wins
Friday - Fails

Reminder: All previous episodes are available…

You can listen on your favourite podcast App or on the website at www.choosinghappypodcast.com

Start With AI Update

The AI integration course for transformational practitioners continues to evolve. This week, I'm focusing on how to use AI to amplify your intuitive gifts rather than replace them.

The feedback from practitioners who've joined the journey has been remarkable—they're discovering AI can actually enhance their human connection with clients, not diminish it.

If you're ready to explore this technology while maintaining your soul-centred approach, join us at www.startwithai.online

The 5-day email course is helping transformational practitioners integrate AI into their businesses without losing their human touch.

Join us at www.startwithai.online

That's it for this week!

Thank you for joining me again this Sunday. Your presence in my world means everything.

If this newsletter stirred something in you, I'd love to hear about it.

Reply and tell me: Where in your life have you been confusing tolerance with wisdom?

May your week be filled with the courage to stop making do and start making magic.

As ever, my coffee and chat offer is available—reach out anytime.

To your authentic expansion,

With all my heart,

Heather

Heather V Masters

Chief Coach, Writer, Trainer and Facilitator of Magic

Email: [email protected] or [email protected]

P.S. Forward this to someone who needs permission to stop being so accommodating about things that matter to them,

P.P.S. Your standards are your boundaries with reality. They are your values. They influence all areas of your life. Choose them consciously.